Sunday, December 4th...

1 - This just in from TMQ:

"Here, is the actual transcript of what St. Louis Rams coach Joe Vitt told Harvard rookie QB Ryan Fitzpatrick on the sideline before sending him in Sunday:

Vitt: I say, Ryan, my good man. We're in a spot of a jam, if you catch my drift. Way behind. Everyone else injured. It's a Brits-at-Dunkirk thing, old sport. Would you terribly mind putting on that helmet and giving it the old college try? There's a good chap! Cheerio!

As Fitzpatrick led the Rams to their improbable comeback, teammates kept him fired up by shouting, "What ho!" and "Pip pip!" After the game, Fitzpatrick skipped the press conference to attend sherry hour."

2 - The best thing for disgruntled NFL reciever Terrell Owens, would be a trade to a CFL team. Here's why:

Traded to Toronto: In an attempt to attract attention in the nations number one media market, the Toronto Argonauts aquire Owens from the Eagles for 'a player to be named later.' Sports writers claim Owens is rusty and over the hill. In response, Owens starts complaining about everything: his salary, the offense, the stadium. Nobody cares. A confused Owens wonders why his contreversial comments cause barely a ripple. Teammates tell him it's hockey season, get used to it.

Traded to Montreal: Owens gets upset and demands a trade. Thanks to his huge salary very few teams are interested, but soon the Montreal Alouettes offer a first round draft choice, and a copy of Don Matthews chart topping number one hit 'What Time is it?' in exchange for the disgruntled wide reciever. The Argos want more, so Tracy Ham is brought out of retirement to complete the deal. Shortly after arriving in Montreal, Owens lips off to the media, saying coach Don Matthews 'ain't no Frank Sinatra, heck, he ain't even William Huang.' Montreal media are outraged because Owens' comments were not made in both official languages. Matthews shrugs twice, and puts Owens on waivers.

Picked up by Winnipeg: The hapless Winnipege Blue Bombers pick up Owens, with Brenden Taman and Lyle Bauer hoping he's just what they need to distract everyone from all the losing that went on in Winnipeg last season. Shortly after getting off the plane Owens is introduced at a press conference as 'the Bombers number two reciever' behind Milt Stegall. Owens tells the media he doesn't care what anyone says, he's the number one reciever, and the quarterback sucks. During the Bombers first pre-season game sophmore QB Russ Michna hits Stegall 6 times for 120 yards and 2 TD's. Owens gets 4 for 45 and no majors. After the game Owens complains to the press, "I was wide open, and he throws to Stegall, I want out." CBC football analyst, and ex-Blue Bomber, Chris Walby disagrees, "as you can clearly see on the replay, Stegall is only covered by four defenders. With defensive breakdowns like that, I'd throw to him all day! And hey, how about that offensive line..."

Traded to Calgary: The Bombers work out a deal with the Saskatchewan Roughriders, but it falls through when Bomber kicker Troy Westwood ignites contreversy by suggesting that Owens would be the best 'quarterback' the Riders have had since Kent Austin. Outraged, Rider faithful storm Winnipeg looking for Westwood's house and dump manure on his neighbors lawn. Meanwhile, in Calgary, Owens announces his arrival by saying the Stamps would have a better chance of winning with Dave Dickenson taking the snaps. Soon Owens is introduced to his alter-ego, Nik Lewis, the self proclaimed 'T.O. of the CFL'. Tensions in the locker room rise when Lewis' comments invoke more contreversy on the FAN Radio Network than Owens'. Owen's calls Rob Kerr a has been, and demands a trade to B.C., to 'hook up with my main man, Double D, Dave Dickenson.'

Traded to B.C.: Owens arrives in B.C. to find out the Dickenson has been released and Casey Printers is the undisputed QB. Owens refuses to show up for practise, choosing instead to work out in his drive way.

Picked up by Saskatchewan: The Lions place Owens on waivers, and he's picked up by the Green and White. Owens jumps on a bus for Regina, and arrives just in time to be introduced at a press conference. Owens tells the press to save their questions, because he's got something to say. He goes on a ten minute rant about how brutal the Riders are, ending by saying they should pick up Dave Dickenson. Regina sports writers, who are used to Nate Davis, Scott Shultz, and Roy Shivers, get up and leave without even taking notes. 'He's such a nice boy,' says Darren Zary of the Star Phoenix. Owens plays one pre-season game with the Riders before he demands a trade. "There's too much contreversy in Saskatchewan,' Owens says, "they're moving in on my territory."

Traded to Ottawa: The Riders deal Owens, Marvin Graves, and the rights to Dan Farthing's first born to the Renegades for Demitrious Bendross, and tickets to the next Senators-Leafs game. Much to Owens dismay, he arrives to find that Owners Bernie and Lonnie Glieberman have already gone on their own rant, leaving nothing for him to complain about. Ottawa media jump for glee about the one-sided deal, until it's revealed that the Riders pulled a fast one, and Farthing's first born is actually a girl. The Ottawa Sun's Don Brennan writes, "this is all Tom Wrights fault. Fortuanetly Ottawa got Marvin Graves, otherwise this deal would be a complete write-off."

In his first CFL game with the 'Gades, Owens hauls in 10 passes for 225 yards and 3 TDs. After the game he complains about not getting any respect. By this point the CFL is sick of T.O's antics, and tells the Gliebermans that if they trade Owens back to the NFL, they'll be given a new expansion franchise in Sheveport. The Gliebermans agree, and T.O. is traded to the Dallas Cowboys for... a player to be named later. Everyone says good ridence. Tracy Ham heads back into retirement after one game, Dave Dickenson surfaces with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Dan Farthing's daughter goes on to be a great reciever on her local Regina Minor Football team, and the hockey season ends, promting hockey scribe Roy MacGregor of the Globe and Mail to write, "nothing ever happens in Canada during the (NHL) offseason." Go figure.

'Till Next Time...

Man On Fire