Monday, September 18th

1 - Last week I was confronted with a walking, talking, living, breathing paradox. I walked into my first class of the day only to find out that my Prof. was female. What's so paradoxical about that? The class was Logic 100. Okay, that was below the belt, insensitive, pig-headed and uncalled for. I just think it's ironic that men (especially men in a relationship) often think women are illogical, and now one is teaching me about it. She's actually a very intelligent person; very friendly and logical. So far she's the only prof whose made any attempt to learn our (students) names. Anyway, in an effort to appease the wrath of self-respecting women everywhere I will now tell a Pittsburgh Penguins joke:

Bartender: Hey, you can't bring that dog in here! Didn't you see the sign?

Pen's Fan (accompanied by a dog): Well... yes, but it's the Penguins season opener. They're playing the Rangers in New York, and all the radios and T.V.'s in Pittsburgh have conked out. All of them except yours, and my dog, well, he's the Penguins number one fan, and he just has to watch the game. So can he stay?

Bartender: Well... Okay, but he'd better behave himself.

The puck drops in New York. The Penguins take control of the game, skate up ice, and score in the first minute. The Dog immediately jumps up on the counter, does a back flip, stands on his hind legs, and high-fives everyone in site.

Bartender: Whoa! That was amazing. Does he do that every time the Penguins score?

Pens Fan: Yup.

Bartender: Unbelievable! What's he do when the Penguins win a game?

Pens Fan: (pause) I don't know, I've only owned him for three years.

You can also turn this joke into a football joke but substituting goal with field goal, and win with touchdown, then change Penguins into your football team of choice and humor your friends. But please try to avoid telling this joke to a Ti-Cat fan. It might hit a little close to home.

2 - Speaking of jokes the New York Islanders have signed goalie Rick DiPietro to a 15 year contract worth 4.5 million per season. At age twenty-five, the 1st overall pick from the 2000 entry draft will be forty when this new deal expires. Not a bad deal if Rick lives up to his billing. If he doesn't, well, the Isles will be paying four million a season for a back-up goalie. Apparently the contract is guaranteed, which means an outright release is out of the question. This brings to mind that old Arnold S. movie Time Cop where the owner of an XFL football team signs his quarterback to a lifetime contract and then clones him every time he hurts/kills himself.

3 - The NHL pre-season is just getting started, which means the Islanders were officially eliminated from post-season contention yesterday. Here then is M.O.F.'s fearless NHL 2006-07 season forecast (accuracy guaranteed or your money back--get it, it's a free blog!).

Western Conference

Team to beat: Anaheim Ducks

The Red Wings will finish in first thanks to the 36 free points they receive for playing in the same division as St. Louis, Chicago, and Columbus, but with Pronger and Niedermayer, Anaheim will be the toughest club to play against this season.

Should be better: St. Louis Blues

Even if their big name free agent acquisitions crash and burn, duplicating last season's futility will be next to impossible. Signing Manny Legace was the steal of the summer.

Should be worse: Colorado Avalanche

Loss of stud defenseman Rob Blake, and sniper Alex Tanguay off-set by acquisitions of Matt Murley, Ben Guite, Mark Rycroft and Jordan Leopold. I hope your picking up on my sarcasm, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.

Could surprise: Phoenix Coyotes

Old team built for old NHL, but talent is there. Addition of George Laraque means Phoenix now spelled t-o-u-g-h.

Darkhorse: Vancouver Canucks

Canucks found the goalie of their dreams, but loss of cold, hard, offensive production previously provided by Todd Bertuzzi, Ed Jovanovski, and Anson Carter means Vancouver is almost a one line team again. Jason King's departure leaves the Sedin's out in the cold.

Eastern Conference

Team to beat: Carolina Hurricanes

No more gimmees for the 'Canes. From here on in, every team in the league circles a date with Carolina on their team calendar. Pain caused by Aaron Ward's departure to the much-maligned New York Rangers reminds one of getting a root canal at the local dental office.

Should be better: Tampa Bay Lightning

Addition of former Blue Jacket Marc Denis between the pipes solidifies last years major weakness. Sean Burke is a reliable steady back-up and the defense provide lots of substance, although little-to-no style. Too much talent up front for Bolts to not improve on last years point total.

Should be worse: Ottawa Senators

Loss of Zdeno Chara is a huge blow, offensively and defensively. Martin Havlat will be missed as well, but Tom Preissing was a smart pick-up. Goaltenders Ray Emery and Martin Gerber are talented, but neither reminds me of The Dominator. Overall, team will still be a cup contender, but not as dominant as last year (pun intended).

Could surprise: Pittsburgh Penguins

For four of the last five years I've said the Penguins can't be any worse than they were the previous year, and for four of the the last five years I've been wrong. At least the law of averages is on my side. Ovechkin has supplanted Crosby as the player everyone wants to play their best against, and the pressure to win isn't there in Pittsburgh this year. A young Pens team could take the big boys by surprise.

Darkhorse: Tie - Atlanta Thrashers, Florida Panthers

Thrashers - Johan Hedberg provides some stability, but the Thrashers season will rise and fall with the oft-injured Kari Lehtonen.

Panthers - If Big Bert doesn't pick it up, Florida can look forward to drafting Angelo Esposito with the 1st overall pick in the 2007 draft. But if Bertuzzi comes ready to play, then take cover. But the real question is, how will the Panthers react to playing with a good goalie behind them instead of a great one.

4 - Apologies to those of you who may or may not have tried the TMQ link in the sidebar. Apparently Easterbrook's contract with NFL.com ran out, and ESPN picked him up, just like a free agent. His column will now appear every Tuesday here, instead of at the old address.

5 - Finally someone (thankfully the Prime Minister) is starting to defend the governments position on Afghanistan. Stephan Harper recently appeared on CTV's "Mike Duffy Live" (video available here, it should be in the Top Video section) and spoke on a number of issues MP's will be debating this fall, including Afghanistan. This is a good start, but the Prime Minister still needs to go deeper into the issue. As numerous other bloggers have mentioned the mission is completely defendable, and the government needs to be more proactive in getting that message out. I agree with Harper's assessment that there are many critics of the war who simply don't like him, or his party, and are there for against the war because he is for it. Some members of the media and certain political parties won't like hearing that, so you might see a few articles coming out about how Harper is selfishly trying to portray himself as a victim in order to gain votes on the backs of our men and women in uniform, dieing out in the dessert in a mission we shouldn't be a part of, blah, blah, blah. Don't believe it.

6 - Good news for election junkies. We may get to have another one sooner than we think.

7 - In closing, this from TMQ:

"Apropos TMQ's item on the death of deconstructionist Jacques Derrida, Kevin Pugh, an assistant professor of educational psychology at the University of Toledo, imagines this postmodern football encounter:

"Coach: How could you throw that crazy pass? Didn't you see the safety?

"Quarterback: I did see the safety, but then I thought, how do I know the safety really exists? My eyes perceive a safety and he seems to be covering the receiver, but this might only be from my frame of reference. Someone in the stands might perceive the safety to be covering another receiver, or no one at all. Who am I to say that my perception is correct and theirs is wrong? Then I thought, maybe the safety does exist! But the taboo against throwing into double coverage is just an oppressive ideology used by the dominant hegemony to maintain the imperialist power structure. So you see, I had to make the throw in order to liberate myself."

Man on Fire