December 23rd, 2005...

1 - Ah, the wonders of modern technology..., we regret to inform you that there will be no links today. We're using a different computer... it's actually newer than our other one, but alas, it appears to be 'too new.' The links will return in January, along with our larger, older, slower, but somehow better, computer. On the bright side, we can do cool things like this, this, and this, which we couldn't do on our old computer. Or maybe we could and we're actually just computer stupid.

2 - More wonders of modern technology. Rumors are swirling (at least in these parts) about the new X-Box 360. Seems the discs keep getting fried in the machine. The father of one of the founding members of Man on Fire thinks this is just a rumor started by Sony, based on the fact that every person who repeats this rumor to him does not, in fact, own an X-Box 360. (That would include all of us too.) So... if anyone out there has an X-Box 360, we'd like to here about what it's like.

3 - Team Canada Hockey selections: As one columnist noted (someone on Sportsnet maybe, we can't remember) this years team has sparked only minor debate and disagreement. There is the crowd that is upset with Todd Bertuzzi's inclusion, and the faction that was lobbying for the inclusion of either a) Dion Phaneuf, b) Sidney Crosby, c) Eric Stall, d) Jason Spezza, or e) Team Quebec, in the Olympics and is upset that only Stall and Spezza will be going (on the taxi squad). The most interesting omission from the roster is Curtis Joseph. We know Marty Brodeur is great, and Luongo and Turco are good too, but when you consider that Joseph is having a great season in Phoenix where he's Gretzky's main man, we thought he was a lock. Having said that, the goaltending still looks good.

4 - Quote: The whole goalie debate reminds us of a hockey writer in the U.S. who was lamenting over the retirement of Mike Richter. He said from an international stand point it's tough to lose Richter because, "this isn't Canada where you can shake a tree and good goalies fall out of it."

4 - Due to the lack of linkage we can't substantiate this week's sign of the apocalypse, however the younger brother of another founding member of M.O.F. just spent the last ten minutes explaining how he feels one of his university text books is encouraging the drug trade. He's in pre-business admin... at the University of Regina... go figure. According to the text book, if the supply of a product shrinks, then the resulting high demand will send prices sky-rocketing. It then gave two examples: prohibition, and drug trafficking. We pointed out that the text book only teaches students why drug dealers can afford 'bling', and by no means encourages the drug trade. However, the sleuth in us is intrigued, so...

5 - Conspiracy Theory of the Week: All the drug dealers in Regina are actually pre-business admin students from the U of R with crushing student loan debt.

6 - From the Oops File: It appears we've been leading you all astray. Last post we blasted other bloggers, while recommending 'Mader' because he wasn't Canadian. Anyway, if you read the comments section you'll find out he's from Ottawa... oops. He's still one of the more unbiased commentators we've found out there.

7 - In other news, a long time ago, (like... two months) we opined that Jim Reed, CBC news correspondent in the Middle East, was out to lunch. Now Jim Reed himself suspects that maybe M.O.F. is actually on an extended mid-day break. Once again, if we could use links we'd take you right to his comment, so once January hits we'll provide everyone with a link. If you don't have any patience, try bringing up the 3rd M.O.F. entry from the archives. It should be there. Mr. Reed feels he's been quoted out of context. Fair enough we say, lets look at the whole paragraph in Reed's column:

Recent anti-Israel remarks by the president of Iran have been interpreted by many as the true belief of the Iranian “leadership." However, we should keep in mind that the effective head of Iran's political establishment is not the president; that role belongs to the Supreme Leader--a religious figure selected by a so-called Assembly of Experts. And there is some evidence that the real powers in Iran do not condone Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's statement about “wiping Israel off the map."

Okay, so in fairness to Mr. Reed, what he's saying is right. The Supreme Leader and the Assembly of Experts do not support "wiping Israel off the map." However... we wonder whether popular support lies with the Supreme Leader or the President of Iran? Reed notes later on that there is a growing number of 'reformists' who agree with the Supreme Leader. Let's hope they continue to grow despite being 'under fire.'

8 - Christmas has been ruined in Beantown. Mullet-wearing power hitter Johnny Damon has taken his ball, left the Red Sox and gone to New York. It's a good thing these two teams don't play a sport that's violent, or you know what would happen. It appears as if George Steinbrenner and the Yankees are taking the if you can't beat 'em, sign 'em approach. On the other hand, we are curious to see if there will be a mass exodus from Boston because Theo Epstein resigned, or if Damon is just part of a much smaller trickle.

9 - Eddie 'O' is out in Pittsburgh and Claude Julien is in. Several sportswriters have noted that Julien doesn't have the cherry disposition Eddie had. This could be the shot in the arm the Penguins need. Some have also noted that Sidney Crosby may not be working out well in Pittsburgh. Some commentators (Bill Watters and Don Cherry) think he's a brat. If he is acting like a brat, then a stint on Team Canada would have done him good (if being ignored by Joe Sakic, threatened by Todd Bertuzzi, and benched by Pat Quinn doesn't send a message nothing will). Cherry and Watters say one thing is clear though. Lemieux needs to stop throwing his weight around, and let Julien coach. The Penguins will be better off if he does.

10 - We should note that we're now taking Jim Reed seriously again.

11 - Apparently the Ottawa Renegades weren't satisfied to just shoot every CFL team in the feet (that's right, not just one foot, both of 'em - see last post), now they've signed quarterback Kerry Jospeh to a five year contract that works out to roughly $400 000 a season. Whoa, that's Casey Printers type money. Joseph's good, but he aien't no Casey Printers. Looks like the 'Gades are doing there best to go bankrupt.

Until some other day...

M.O.F.

Thursday, December 8th...

1 - The temperature in the world of Man on Fire has plummeted in recent days due to a supposed 'cold weather system' and that wretched wind chill. This brought to mind CFL Analyst Chris Walby's fond memories of what it was like to win a Grey Cup in below zero weather. He compared a football player's heaving breathing to that of 'livestock.' Long live 'The Walby'.

2 - The Globe and Mail, The CBC, The New York Times. What do they all have in common? They all have a blatant media bias. To be fair, they're not the only news outlets with problems, and all three do have some reporters and editors who act like reporters and editors as opposed to columnists. However, when it comes to national media, separating the wheat from the chaff can be somewhat difficult and time consuming. For that reason we suggest you check out The Black Rod's Blog here. It's written by a group of people in Winnipeg who monitor Canadian media for bias. Unfortunatley, you won't find any info on the New York Times there, but if you're interested, check out www.timeswatch.org. They do a good job.

3 - The Black Rod likes to refer to the 'Peter Kent Challenge'. Kent, a former CTV and CBC news anchor who is running for the Conservatives in Ontario, challenged journalism students at the beginning of the election campaign to observe how the media treats each issue and party with a different set of rules. Here's hoping most journalism students were listening.

4 - The CFL season was over, and all nine teams were lounging around the fireplace after the Grey Cup, basking in the glow of a successful season which saw an increase in advertising revenue, attendance, and TV ratings. Then the CFL's illegitimate child, the aptly named Ottawa Renegade, gets up, grabs his licensed duck hunting rifle from the gun rack, and proceeds to shoot everyone in the foot. "Hey, what was that for?" yells CFL commissioner Tom Wright. "Oh, didn't you hear?" responds the Renegade, "we just signed a LINEBACKER to a five year, MILLION DOLLAR contract!" Then the Renegade proceeds to shoot everyone's other foot. "Hey, what are you doing?" screams Wright. The Renegade turns towards Wright and smiles, "the first two years are guaranteed, plus we gave him a signing bonus."

5 - From the 'Why the World Needs Christians who aren't Shallow' file: "Group Collects Bibles, Passes out Porn" We're wondering if those fives students are actual Christians, or if they just grabbed another persons Bible in order to exchange it for a free magazine.

6 - Witty Comeback of the Year: (Note, this comeback will be referred to as 'The Witty Comeback of the Year' until such time when it is dethroned by another, wittier, comeback, or the year ends.) Pittsburgh's Civic Center, mid-90's. The Winnipeg Jets are in Pittsburgh taking on the Penguins, when Jets defenseman, and career minor-leaguer, Dallas Eakins gets in a shoving match with Mario Lemieux. As the linesman separate the two combatants, Lemieux, hoping to get in the parting shot, shouts, "hey Dallas, how much money do you make?" Eakins replies, "same as you Mario: less than Gretzky."

7 - We are well aware that the 'Witty Comeback of the Year' is ten years old, but it's our blog, and we'll do what we want. On the brighter side, feel free to submit your own suggestions and topple the reigning champ.

8 - Today's Sign of the Apocalypse: "Bear Decides to Hibernate Under Pennsylvania Man's Porch"

Actual Quote: "This is a situation that's not uncommon in the Northeast."
State Game Commission spokesman Jerry Feaser

9 - Funny thing about the Toronto Blue Jays. The Jays go out and sign the top free agent closer in baseball (B.J. Ryan) and then find out he had a ERA of over 6 against the Yankees and Red Sox. The Blue Jays, Red Sox, and Yankees are all in the same division, fighting for the same play-off spot. Sad. (For you non-baseball types, the ERA is the average number of runs a pitcher would give up in a nine inning game. A decent ERA would be 3 or 4, while a sparkling ERA would be 1 or 2. Six is bad. Over six is really bad.)

10 - Tonight the Pittsburgh Penguins lost 5-0 to the Minnesota Wild. Five flipping nothing! The shut-out is understandable, but who gives up five goals to the Minnesota flipping Wild! Alexandre flipping Daigle scored! On the bright side, Mario Lemieux has been released from hospital after being diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat. The injury won't force him to retire, or alter his lifestyle, according to a report by the Associated Press.

11 - Why do the good people at Man on Fire get the impression that no matter what the Conservative Party of Canada does, voters will still find some way to talk themselves out of voting for them. At the beginning of the election campaign columnists everywhere were complaining about how the Tories wouldn't talk about anything but Liberal corruption. So the Tories stopped talking about corruption and started talking about policy. And where has that got them... nowhere! Now the head of one of Canada's major polling firms writes, "the shift in focus from the Advertising Scandal to issues such as daycare and healthcare seems to be playing to the Liberals favour." It gives the crew at Man on Fire the impression that Canadians don't want to be reminded of why they shouldn't vote Liberal.

12 - We talked earlier about media bias. One way to effectively eliminate bias is to read blogs on the Canadian Election written by people who aren't Canadian, don't live in Canada, and have little or no vested interest in the outcome. We present Exhibit A: "David Mader. He's a law student from Texas, and his blog is one of the more insightful pieces of work we've read. Overall though, American bloggers should be avoided because they tend to slant much more than anyone else. They make no apologies for it either. Believe it or not, Americans are actually quite concerned about this election. Think not? Read "this.

13 - Sickening fact: In their brief history, the Minnesota Wild have won five of seven meetings with the Penguins.

14 - Since we're into December, here's some cool facts about Christmas:

1) The real St. Nicholas was born in Turkey around 300 AD. His feast day is in early December, on the day of his death.
2) Charles Dickens wrote several other Christmas novels after he wrote 'A Christmas Carol'. None were anywhere near as popular as his first one.
3) Dickens experimented with several names for Bob Kratchet's son, setteling on Tiny Tim after casting aside Little Larry, Puny Pete and Small Sam.
4) Christmas Trees are edible. (The needles are a good source of vitamin C.)
5) In 1647, English Puritan leaders passed laws banning the celebration of Christmas. The ban was lifted when the Puritans lost power in 1660.

M.O.F.

Sunday, December 4th...

1 - This just in from TMQ:

"Here, is the actual transcript of what St. Louis Rams coach Joe Vitt told Harvard rookie QB Ryan Fitzpatrick on the sideline before sending him in Sunday:

Vitt: I say, Ryan, my good man. We're in a spot of a jam, if you catch my drift. Way behind. Everyone else injured. It's a Brits-at-Dunkirk thing, old sport. Would you terribly mind putting on that helmet and giving it the old college try? There's a good chap! Cheerio!

As Fitzpatrick led the Rams to their improbable comeback, teammates kept him fired up by shouting, "What ho!" and "Pip pip!" After the game, Fitzpatrick skipped the press conference to attend sherry hour."

2 - The best thing for disgruntled NFL reciever Terrell Owens, would be a trade to a CFL team. Here's why:

Traded to Toronto: In an attempt to attract attention in the nations number one media market, the Toronto Argonauts aquire Owens from the Eagles for 'a player to be named later.' Sports writers claim Owens is rusty and over the hill. In response, Owens starts complaining about everything: his salary, the offense, the stadium. Nobody cares. A confused Owens wonders why his contreversial comments cause barely a ripple. Teammates tell him it's hockey season, get used to it.

Traded to Montreal: Owens gets upset and demands a trade. Thanks to his huge salary very few teams are interested, but soon the Montreal Alouettes offer a first round draft choice, and a copy of Don Matthews chart topping number one hit 'What Time is it?' in exchange for the disgruntled wide reciever. The Argos want more, so Tracy Ham is brought out of retirement to complete the deal. Shortly after arriving in Montreal, Owens lips off to the media, saying coach Don Matthews 'ain't no Frank Sinatra, heck, he ain't even William Huang.' Montreal media are outraged because Owens' comments were not made in both official languages. Matthews shrugs twice, and puts Owens on waivers.

Picked up by Winnipeg: The hapless Winnipege Blue Bombers pick up Owens, with Brenden Taman and Lyle Bauer hoping he's just what they need to distract everyone from all the losing that went on in Winnipeg last season. Shortly after getting off the plane Owens is introduced at a press conference as 'the Bombers number two reciever' behind Milt Stegall. Owens tells the media he doesn't care what anyone says, he's the number one reciever, and the quarterback sucks. During the Bombers first pre-season game sophmore QB Russ Michna hits Stegall 6 times for 120 yards and 2 TD's. Owens gets 4 for 45 and no majors. After the game Owens complains to the press, "I was wide open, and he throws to Stegall, I want out." CBC football analyst, and ex-Blue Bomber, Chris Walby disagrees, "as you can clearly see on the replay, Stegall is only covered by four defenders. With defensive breakdowns like that, I'd throw to him all day! And hey, how about that offensive line..."

Traded to Calgary: The Bombers work out a deal with the Saskatchewan Roughriders, but it falls through when Bomber kicker Troy Westwood ignites contreversy by suggesting that Owens would be the best 'quarterback' the Riders have had since Kent Austin. Outraged, Rider faithful storm Winnipeg looking for Westwood's house and dump manure on his neighbors lawn. Meanwhile, in Calgary, Owens announces his arrival by saying the Stamps would have a better chance of winning with Dave Dickenson taking the snaps. Soon Owens is introduced to his alter-ego, Nik Lewis, the self proclaimed 'T.O. of the CFL'. Tensions in the locker room rise when Lewis' comments invoke more contreversy on the FAN Radio Network than Owens'. Owen's calls Rob Kerr a has been, and demands a trade to B.C., to 'hook up with my main man, Double D, Dave Dickenson.'

Traded to B.C.: Owens arrives in B.C. to find out the Dickenson has been released and Casey Printers is the undisputed QB. Owens refuses to show up for practise, choosing instead to work out in his drive way.

Picked up by Saskatchewan: The Lions place Owens on waivers, and he's picked up by the Green and White. Owens jumps on a bus for Regina, and arrives just in time to be introduced at a press conference. Owens tells the press to save their questions, because he's got something to say. He goes on a ten minute rant about how brutal the Riders are, ending by saying they should pick up Dave Dickenson. Regina sports writers, who are used to Nate Davis, Scott Shultz, and Roy Shivers, get up and leave without even taking notes. 'He's such a nice boy,' says Darren Zary of the Star Phoenix. Owens plays one pre-season game with the Riders before he demands a trade. "There's too much contreversy in Saskatchewan,' Owens says, "they're moving in on my territory."

Traded to Ottawa: The Riders deal Owens, Marvin Graves, and the rights to Dan Farthing's first born to the Renegades for Demitrious Bendross, and tickets to the next Senators-Leafs game. Much to Owens dismay, he arrives to find that Owners Bernie and Lonnie Glieberman have already gone on their own rant, leaving nothing for him to complain about. Ottawa media jump for glee about the one-sided deal, until it's revealed that the Riders pulled a fast one, and Farthing's first born is actually a girl. The Ottawa Sun's Don Brennan writes, "this is all Tom Wrights fault. Fortuanetly Ottawa got Marvin Graves, otherwise this deal would be a complete write-off."

In his first CFL game with the 'Gades, Owens hauls in 10 passes for 225 yards and 3 TDs. After the game he complains about not getting any respect. By this point the CFL is sick of T.O's antics, and tells the Gliebermans that if they trade Owens back to the NFL, they'll be given a new expansion franchise in Sheveport. The Gliebermans agree, and T.O. is traded to the Dallas Cowboys for... a player to be named later. Everyone says good ridence. Tracy Ham heads back into retirement after one game, Dave Dickenson surfaces with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats, Dan Farthing's daughter goes on to be a great reciever on her local Regina Minor Football team, and the hockey season ends, promting hockey scribe Roy MacGregor of the Globe and Mail to write, "nothing ever happens in Canada during the (NHL) offseason." Go figure.

'Till Next Time...

Man On Fire